Most obituaries are written in a hurry, by someone who has never written one before, in the same week they are arranging a funeral. That is why so many of them read alike: a list of dates, a list of relatives and a line about being “called to glory”. A good obituary does not need to be long or polished. It needs to be accurate, and it needs to sound like the person.
Start with the facts, and check them twice
Every obituary needs the same core details: the person’s full name, including any name they were widely known by; their age; the date and place of their death; and where and when they were born. Many families also say how the person died, but that is a choice, not a rule. Before anything goes to print or online, check the spelling of every name with the people concerned. Mistakes in an obituary are remembered for years, and a misspelt grandchild’s name or a wrong year of birth can hurt a family long after the funeral.
Tell the story of a life, not a CV
School, work and church membership belong in an obituary, but they are the frame, not the picture. Ask the people closest to the person for one story each: the thing they always said, the meal they always cooked, the habit everyone teased them about. One specific detail, such as the fact that she drove the same blue car for 22 years or that he never missed a Kotoko match on the radio, says more than a paragraph of praise. Write the way the person spoke, and leave out the adjectives you would use for anyone.
Name the family carefully
The list of survivors causes more family arguments than any other part of an obituary. Decide early who will be named individually and who will be grouped, for example “eleven grandchildren”. Include people who died before the person, such as a spouse or child, with words like “predeceased by”. If there are step-relatives, former partners or estranged children, talk about how to handle them before the notice is published rather than after. When in doubt, include rather than leave out.
Give the practical details
End with what readers need to know: the dates, times and places of the wake, funeral service, burial and any thanksgiving or one-week observance, and whether the family is asking for donations to a charity instead of flowers. Give a contact person for questions. Leave out the deceased person’s home address and the exact times the house will be empty for the funeral. Burglars read death notices too, and homes have been broken into while families were at the graveside.
Keep a copy and share it widely
Once the obituary is final, save it as a document and as a printed copy. It is often the only written account of a person’s life that a family keeps, and grandchildren will look for it decades later. Share it with the church, the workplace, old school associations and community groups, and post it online where relatives abroad can find it. If a newspaper or website publishes it, ask for a correction straight away if anything is wrong.
The best test of an obituary is simple: if someone who knew the person well reads it, they should recognise them by the second paragraph.